He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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