Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
