Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.