We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.