i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman