I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
