I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
