Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
