Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
