Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"