Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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