Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?