I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
