Pappa wants mamma naked
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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