Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
