How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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