Can i not drive my cunt home
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
