Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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