If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
