I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
