i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
