i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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