I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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