your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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