I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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