she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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