hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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