she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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