The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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