I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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