I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
