first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
