tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
