sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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