i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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