It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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