you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
