this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
