You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
