God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
