There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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