in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
