My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
