mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
