TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
