i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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