Moan for me like Helen Keller
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my being single is dangerous.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
