Got a toothbrush?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
