I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
