this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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