Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
