I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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