What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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