One girl and one boy is just not enough.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
