Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can you bring me the toilet please
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
