Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
