also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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