he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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