You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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