Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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