i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
