All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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