Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
