Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
