brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
