Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
